fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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