is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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