when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
