That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
