well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we're making bets on your personal life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
