the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
