The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
