Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
