TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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