I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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