In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
