Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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