it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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