i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
