areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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