You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
