YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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