if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
