4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
