also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
