Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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