It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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