My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
