My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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