sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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