Yo dont text me then not text me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
