He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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