My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
