Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
