is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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