look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
