i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
