More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.