Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (789) Bad night (2137)
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  (914): View more from New York

  She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.

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  (914): She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet. http://tfl.nu/d6lo
  Replies (17) Good night (3839) Bad night (642)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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  (610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck http://tfl.nu/4xap
  Replies (35) Good night (6381) Bad night (1288)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants

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  (903): So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants http://tfl.nu/066x
  Replies (12) Good night (3204) Bad night (1158)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?

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  (305): does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/qj9q
  Replies (10) Good night (1678) Bad night (3041)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?

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  (360): True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not? http://tfl.nu/5au2
  Replies (4) Good night (2166) Bad night (959)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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  (512): Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus http://tfl.nu/cvrn
  Replies (5) Good night (2449) Bad night (779)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.

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  (614): at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure. http://tfl.nu/2f8p
  Replies (9) Good night (1772) Bad night (1031)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.

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  (484): whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks. http://tfl.nu/9g8j
  Replies (7) Good night (2790) Bad night (513)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you

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  (815): You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you http://tfl.nu/fukp
  Replies (9) Good night (1842) Bad night (476)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??

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  (613): What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand?? http://tfl.nu/viz5
  Replies (24) Good night (658) Bad night (1473)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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  (321): It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises. http://tfl.nu/1767
  Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (376)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do

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  (203): Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do http://tfl.nu/ky18
  Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (251)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate

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  (610): our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate http://tfl.nu/08mc
  Replies (2) Good night (458) Bad night (221)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.

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  (580): Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA. http://tfl.nu/0dmc
  Replies (3) Good night (886) Bad night (220)

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