the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
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