could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??