my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
