I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.