I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
