Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
