I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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