Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
