I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
