Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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