After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
