i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize