just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
