Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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