my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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