I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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