The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
