I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
