Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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