Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
