Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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