how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
