if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just pee around me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
