I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
