No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
