one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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