a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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