Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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