This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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