If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
