So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Randomize
