you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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