dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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