Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
