I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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